Happy Thursday, All!
Lately, we’ve been thinking about compliments, one of the great gifts we can give one another and elements of interactions that are a cherished part of our linguistic capabilities. As one does when thinking about a specific topic, we began paying attention to people's behaviors around giving and receiving these gifts. Chances are we are all guilty of offering disingenuous toss away platitudes like, “Nice job!” or, “Looking good!” or, “Aren’t you nice?” We are all probably equally guilty for, at some point in our lives, deflecting, dismissing or otherwise blowing off a compliment or commendation with, “Oh, don’t be silly” or, “Nah, you’re just saying that,” or “Oh, stop it” or “You really think that?” or (our personal cynical favorite) “I’ll pay you later” or, worst of all, simply ignoring one. The thing is: when we toss around oblique non-specific “accolades” like Mardi Gras beads to just about everyone, frankly our credibility comes into question making it suspect to those on the receiving end whether they are conscious of it or not (it’s that pesky amygdala “bullshit detector” again!). Conversely, when we deflect or dismiss an apparently genuine acknowledgement of something someone perceives as a good thing, we’re essentially saying, ”Your opinion or observation is of no value to me,” which usually isn’t the case (usually it indicates a certain lack of confidence or need for more validation in the deflector - but that’s a topic for another day). The banality of those, while probably well-meant, platitudes like “good job” are so ubiquitous these days, we think, are a result of people not slowing down and thinking about what we are actually trying to say. And honestly, it’s just simpler. But do we really want simple or do we want to add value to those we care about or work with by genuinely acknowledging someone’s accomplishments and valuing others' honest assessment of a job well done?
Yeah, us too.
So how?
